Going Beyond Simply Saying "I just hate my life"

I still hate what I did. I still regret what I did. This may be nothing. But I atone what I have done. God, forgive me, for what I must do. A useless form in this world. Oxygen to waste right here. Rotting, just rotting. I am unable to connect. If I get rid of the piece of the puzzle, no worries. The space won't be a matter for the ones around it. I promise you, I'm being honest.

 I'm not proud, I'm so afraid, I'm so unappreciative with the things I have. Developed pessimism which accounts for why all of this hurts no matter how big, no matter how small. My likes are things some of those I rely on would tear me apart for. I can't come out about the things that will never see the light of day, like being someone of the furry community, which anyone who is a non-furry would know that that would mean I'm some weirdo and freak, a not normal member of society, maybe even acclaimed to be a zoophile just because I like anthropomorphized animals despite the community itself disliking them a whole damn lot. Not everyone can like everything, but that doesn't mean I have to be kicked in the skull for liking something so harmless, so small that becomes big just because humanity hates it a whole lot, but what can I do? I just want to like, leave them and stop hiding forever, but at the same time I am guilty of cutting ties unexpectedly despite them n...

  Well, welcome back guys. It's time to make an echo chamber that consists of only me and myself. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\]\]\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\]\]\]\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\...

 Like from two posts ago, I mentioned a friend group I hated. Going back, the friends I still have that still have contact to the ones from the friend group I hate, I REGRET INTRODUCING THEM, WHAT HAVE I REALLY DONE? 

My scenario for escapism is of being a furry, that's what I've wanted to be as I was growing up from elementary, I closeted my desire until now, where I openly am a furry, with of course, removing some friends to show my true colors behind closed doors.  Sometimes, though, I feel like I haven't fulfilled it, I want to be a furry at full potential, but it sucks because it feels like something is wrong but in reality, nothing is wrong. I can't even open up, not even to my sibling.

There is a friend group made sometime I assume in 2022 on Discord after the use of group chats due to a single person annoying others. I won't mention names to protect identity, but I'll only put an initial. I hate this group, I was part of it's 'regime' beforehand, but this server used to be cool, it was created by let's say, someone named 'A'. A was a cool person, he is quite nice at first, and I did join some of his older servers before the creation of this group. He made a discord bot give everyone an admin role, that's where other individuals from older group chats join such as N and J. Now, it was all well, we had fun, but my first issue was created after the mention of playing games, it was tiring, I didn't want to join VC forever and play with A, N and J.  It was boring sometimes, and even in some cases I wanted to have time with myself, but no, I couldn't. It all began with just simple Roblox or Garry's Mod. It got worse after a ...